Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
