I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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