My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Randomize
