I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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