Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sober January is a disaster.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He has the fingertips of a God
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
