Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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