under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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