Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My balls are so social today.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
