My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
