I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
how does that bad decision feel?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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