smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
