I cannot find my penis.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We got so high we made milksteak
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
