I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
