but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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