writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
