he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize