I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
