I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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