I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
