I wish i was in the wii world.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
