No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
