I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
now i know why i became what i already was.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone came in the potted fern
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
