That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
