just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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