No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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