no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
