I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
