Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
