I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
