I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The best revenge is premature balding
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
