It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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