Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
