I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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