my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So much rum. So many feels.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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