well I can't set my house on fire every night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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