i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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