do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
areolas are like halos for boobs.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
