Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
