I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize