I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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