If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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