that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down