how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
