when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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