how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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