He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
