remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize