1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
