what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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