Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
