he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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