Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
