you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
