I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
