Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
