Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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