Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
