So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
