I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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