at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize