This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Green mimosas i think yes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
