Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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