I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
