I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
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This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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