a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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